It’s late and I’m running out of ideas

Alright, no, I lied.  I have a million ideas… how do I get them out?!  That’s the thing, surmounting this writer’s block, putting down the things I want to talk about.  I think maybe this is the first step.

Forgive the next few days of my bumbling, trying to find the content and ideas I want to express.  But after a long reprieve and some serious soul searching after surviving a natural disaster, I’m ready to reach for my dreams.

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You’re responsible for your own happiness

As I sit here in the laundromat, I’m having a million different thoughts.  For the first time in as long as I can remember I’m all alone.  It’s caused a lot of different feelings and thoughts. 

The most important one I’ve come to is that I am wholly responsible for myself.  No one else is, just me.  I’ve always been surrounded by friends, I should really consider myself very fortunate to have such amazing people in my life.  They’ve always been there… a room away, a 5 minute drive away or even a short plane ride away.  Now, my closest friend is an hour by expensive bullet train and I don’t even have the time to visit.

I’m alone but not unhappy about it.  I was at first, I spent days crying because I didn’t know what to do with myself.  This couldn’t have come at a better time though, because its forced me to wake up and smell the coffee.  I can’t rely on those around me for my happiness.  And I’ve done that for so long I realized I don’t know how to make myself happy.  I always expected someone else to do it for me. 

I’m sorry to those in the past who I’ve relied on too much.  Thank you for always putting up with me and supporting me and being there when I needed you.  I know being my friend isn’t a walk in the park, but I thank you for sticking by me all this time. 

In the past, I’ve always wanted to blame the other person when things went sour.  “I’m the perfect friend, how could it be me.” Hahahaha.  I wish I could reach back into the past and slap myself around a little bit.  While it may not have been all my fault, I certainly had a hand in how things turned out.  More than a hand, more like a thigh or whole leg, because I could never see my own faults, only those of other people. 

Being alone has given me the opportunity to really learn about myself and know who I am.  It’s only been about a month now, but I’m sure as each day continues to march forward I’ll learn even more new and fun things about myself.  I’m actually quite excited. 

Bring it on, life.  I can handle whatever you throw at me.

Mood Music

Discovered this song yesterday, wanted to share.  I was walking around in the grocery store with my iPod on shuffle and it came on.  It really fits with how I’ve been feeling recently.

I think that’s my favorite way to discover music… listening to it and something randomly comes on that fits the mood/moment/your thoughts.

It’s been on repeat ever since.

Generating Ideas

I have all these great ideas I want to research and discuss here, but no energy to actually do it tonight.

So here’s a look at things coming up:

– Being deaf in Michigan
– Willow Smith’s new video (whoa it’s generating a lot of buzz)
– More ‘blah blah’ about writing and curing my writer’s block
– Starting another blog with a specialized interest (more details to come)
– Party Planning Ideas!
– Harry Potter Books vs Movies (a battle royale with my family!)

Among other things I’m sure.  Probably going to have the HP discussion tomorrow… I should probably take notes.

Oh, and by the way, so far right on track.  Posted everyday in July so far!

Until tomorrow!