Today is the official start of NaNoWriMo! Are you ready? Well not to worry, I have a few extras to help get you off to a great start!
I really want to shake people sometimes, and say this to them until it settles into their minds.
Yes, there is something awe-inspiring and beautiful about being able to share every aspect of your life with another person.
But there’s also something beautiful in being able to be on your own, without having to rely on other people.
As human beings, we can’t help but hurt each other it. Sometimes we do it intentionally, most of the time it’s unintentional. But, it happens.
Now, let me address the reason I’m writing this. It’s not to justify my single-status by any means, it actually stems from my dating experience.
I promised myself when I restarted blogging seriously that I was going to be brutally honest with myself. No more holding back for fear of hurting someone’s feelings, or out of fear what other people might think. And I think this is going to be the first step in that direction.
I downloaded a few dating apps when I got over here. I’ve never really had much luck meeting people because I’m very shy and it’s hard for me to talk to people. And most people who meet for the first time share the same impression, ‘bitch.’
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Because of many past problems and a horrible marriage example from my parents, I’ve learned to keep every one at an arm’s length away. It got to the point in high school where I was so used to people being my friend while it was convenient for them and then leaving me that I became numb to the whole process. How did I go numb? I learned never to really let anyone truly in, to always hide at least 5% of my true self away. And I do that even now, which is where a lot of my depression and loneliness stems from. I want to let people in, I want to connect and understand and be there, but there’s always something holding me back.