Why am I doing this again?

I’m in a bad mood and I can’t really figure out the exact reason.

Things have been stressful lately, which I’m assuming is a contributing factor, but nothing really major happened to put me in said bad mood.

I’m just… moody.  I don’t want to take my emotions out on someone (or something) so I figured I would just sit down and write it out.

I think my iTunes knows I’m in a bad mood too, because it keeps playing all of my favorite ‘happy’ music.

Stop trying to cheer me up iTunes, let me stew!

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and a lot of wondering to why I actually started blogging in the first place.

It wasn’t to gain followers, it wasn’t to become the next big name in blogging (pfft, haha!).  It was honestly to give myself a place where I could vent my thoughts without caring what other people had to say.

I often have a hard time expressing myself in person; it’s easier for me to really get my ideas/thoughts across in written word.  I’ve always been like that… I can never seem to say what I want to say in person.  Mostly because actually voicing what I’m thinking terrifies me.  So I’ll keep my thoughts to myself, which usually causes me to turn into a pot of water.  And every once in a while that pot reaches the boiling point and I can’t control what happens.  It’s not often, but it does happen.

Enough digressing, I need to get back to the real reason I started blogging.  A way to exercise my mind, to get the words flowing out and start creating something coherent.  It’s all a giant test, something I need to do to achieve my goals.

I have a lot of things I want to talk about, but I keep putting it off because I keep thinking about how it will be perceived by others.

As I’m sitting here, stewing in my moody-ness and writing this out, I realize I don’t give a damn.  If you like it, good.  If you don’t like it, good.  That’s your opinion.  And you’re welcome to your opinion, but this is my space.  If you want to start a friendly discussion about something I write, I welcome you too.

I guess what it boils down to is that I need to stop censoring myself.  I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest, some I’ll write out creatively, but some I feel like I just need to tell my story.

So that’s your new goal Megan, writing out the pain:

– Getting Fired

– Ending my Friendship with My Best Friend

– Depression

Among other things, but this is really where I need to start.  I have to get these things out if I ever want to truly find my voice.  I started this healing process, my catharsis, when I wrote ‘Spark’ over at Scribblin’ About Life.  I need to continue with the trend I started and let the rest out.

Then I think I can get back to the real reason I started this whole blogging adventure.


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