お誕生日おめでとう

My birthday is in a little under two weeks, and for the first time in my life, I’m not excited.

Like, not even a little bit.  I have a bunch of reasons why.

In random order:

#1 – I’m going to be 25.

That’s a quarter of century old.  If I live to be a 100 (which I’d be shocked if I did) that means 1/4 of my life is over.  A whole fourth.  And what do I have to show for it?  Sure sure, I graduated from college, but I’m not exactly doing something that puts my degrees to use.  I want to be a writer and the most I’ve done so far is this blog.  Whoop-de-freaking-doo.  I feel a bit like a failure.

#2 – I’m half way around the globe.

I always celebrate my birthday with my family.  I may see them on Skype for my birthday, but that’s it.  It feels strange, when you spend the first 24 years of your life seeing the same people for your birthday, and then you turn around and its different.  Something I’ll have to adjust to I guess.

#3 – In conjunction with the above, I have no friends.

Besides Parker, who obviously I’ll see for my birthday.  But that’s it.  I’m so used to having a bunch of friends around me, celebrating with me, having a good time.  Now, again, all of those people are back home.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE that I’m in Japan.  And I wouldn’t trade that for all of the tea and china in the world.  But I guess I’m looking at this birthday with a little bit of a bitter eye this year.  It’s going to take some adjusting I guess, to really get used to not seeing the same people I’ve always seen.

#4 – My best friend isn’t here

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This is the most important, and the one that sucks the most.  We ALWAYS celebrate our birthdays together; the last 8 years without fail.  She would drive out to see me at college, and I was always home for the summer when her birthday was.  And when everyone else would bail on birthday plans, she was always the one there, eating Chinese food and trying to cheer me up.

I think this is the point that makes me not look forward to my birthday the most this year.  Who cares if I’m turning 25, pfffft.  I still have plenty of years left and I feel pretty young.  And oh well, no friends or family.  I can see them on Skype.  But no best friend?  That just takes the cake.

Pardon my ‘wallowing in self-pity’ post.  Just not really feeling it this year.  There’s more, but I’ll spare you.  This is getting long, wordy and whiny already.

Anyone who knows me, knows just how much I LOVE birthdays.  I love giving gifts, celebrating, having a good time.  I think everyone should celebrate their birthday.  It’s the one day of the year where I get to be thankful that YOU are my friend/alive/made it another year.  Birthdays will always be special.

But, for the first time, I wish I could just stay in bed all day and sleep through it.  No birthday for me this year.

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